love.beauty.freedom

2011-10-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

New York Trip

I was so excited for this trip! Have been counting down ever since I booked the tickets online. This was really the best weekend ever. The main reason for my trip was actually the SMTOWN NYC CONCERT on Sunday where I got to see KYUHYUN!!!:D I know it really sounds crazy, but I know my limits and priorities – don’t watch hours of his videos or suju videos much anymore because I have more important things to do/settle. But these kinds of things, are things that I really wanna do. Instead of living life the normal way, I really wanted to do something crazy an unbelievable for once – and I enjoyed it sooo much, I’m totally prepped up for another round of school, battling exams, homeworks, CCA commitments etc. Okay, without further ado, I shall begin mentioning my AMAZING (but short) JOURNEY to NEW YORK!

Day 0, Friday 21st October 2011
Flight: Delta Airlines
Flight time: 6.25pm
Stopover: Salt Lake City
Destination: JFK NEW YORK!
Destination time: 6 am Saturday
Nothing much to say here, but basically one of the worst flights ever. I couldn’t sleep at all throughout the entire journey and there was a baby diagonally behind me who could probably win the greatest screamer/cry-er award. OMG her wail was louder than a siren!>< Talked to buddy during the first half of the journey and tried to sleep through the 2nd half of the journey. Throughout the flight, I just kept thinking how unbelievable it was to actually be going on this trip! Berkeley-New York- Berkeley in 2 DAYS. WOW:D and seeing KYU sing live?:D DABOMB.

Day 1, Saturday 22nd October 2011

Today had a lot of travelling. It was SO tiring, especially cos both of us didn’t sleep at all the day before and we had a crazy week before this. We reached YMCA Harlem at around 8 plus but the room wasn’t ready yet so we went to shower in their gym showers. The whole neighborhood (135th street) was actually black-dominated, I never knew that! But the receptionist was really friendly and helped us find directions and all. However, buddy was confident that she got the directions right so I just followed her and switched off my brain (good to do it for once, it was so relaxing). I should add that my buddy was such camwhore, I think I never camwhored so much in my life than these 2 days:P Haha but what she said was quite right, we only live once – so we should treasure every moment and record the memories in terms of pictures.

After we bathed, we talked about things to do/see and then went to Peter Luger’s Steakhouse for lunch. OH! We booked Mary Poppins broadway musical for tonight!:) Anyway, back to peter luger’s, it was in Brooklyn, which was pretty out of the way from Manhattan. Gosh, we took about 1.75 hours and 3 changes of train trying to figure our way there. But the food was totally WORTH IT. Like my friend said, it was totally “orgasmic!” We ordered a strip of bacon, steak for 1, cream spinach and german fried potatoes, which were what they were famous for. The strip of bacon was the best bacon I have ever eaten in my entire life, it was big and thick, something like 烧肉. The cream spinach practically melted in my mouth – loved it! The german potatoes were fried with onions which really brought out the flavor of it. And the steak – omg the steak. It was so soft and tender, I really wondered where they got their beef from. SO GOOD. We paid a total of $85 including tips but it was worth every dollar. I could eat that spinach any day. We were so worried that we would gain so much weight this two days because of all the good food that we ate. They gave us some chocolate coins with their name as a souvenir, it reminded me so much of chinese new year (I remember I used to love the chocolate coins when I was in primary school!). We started playing with it and taking pictures. Could I add that the waiters and manager were so funny? They insisted on taking a picture with us when we wanted to take a picture in their restaurant.

After lunch, my buddy and I travelled back to Manhattan to do some shopping. By the time we reached, it was already around 2 or 2 plus so we didn’t do much shopping. But I really loved Broadway, it was so bustling and touristy – that I felt that I was on a REAL legit holiday. I spent quite a bit of time in Sephora looking at the make-up, they have sooo many choices! Then we checked out the M&M’s and Hershey’s giant stores. After that we went to this yoghurt store where shuning bought a vanilla shake. After which, we starting heading off to Ippudo (really famous ramen place that my brother recommended, I know, food again right? Yeah that’s why we were so worried about getting fat). Even when we arrived at 5, there was already a long line outside the restaurant. We were told that we had to wait for 1 hour to 1.5 hours! But it was totally worth the wait. Even though I was really bored while waiting and about to fall asleep, the food was SO AMAZING. Best ramen I have ever tasted! I forgot what was the name of the one I ordered but it was spicy and they added minced ginger in it, which enhanced the flavor of the spicy broth. I tried my buddy’s ramen and it was really good too.

It was so nice how the timing was so right, we finished at about 7.15 and quickly made our way to broadway just in time for the show which started at 8pm. I must say, Mary Poppins was really nice, the singers had opera-like vocals and they even had the gimmick of people walking up a wall and upside down on the ceiling, balanced by wires. At the end, Mary Poppins even flew up above the audience and she received a roaring applause for that. HOWEVER, I really regret dozing off during some parts of the show. It was so bad! i was really in fatigue and tried really hard to keep my eyes open but the dark environment was so sleep-inducing!>< It was quite embarrassing cos the guy and his mother on my left were really excited about the show and I think they caught me dozing off a couple of times during the showO.o

When the show ended at about 10 something, we didn’t really wanna go back and we wanted to try shake shack because we would not have the opportunity to do so the next day. Shake shack is like in-and-out but more amazing than it. The burger is like 10 times nicer than Macdonalds, the bread was so soft and nice!!!=D I had a caramel shake and fries on top of that. I felt so sinful today! So much food. I’m making a conviction to eat vegetables and no carbs when I go back to Berkeley.

We went back to YMCA at about 1 and washed up. I have never lived in a dorm before but it was quite good albeit a bit cramped (although I don’t think I can take living there for more than 2 days.

Day 2, Sunday 23 October 2011

TODAY. TODAY IS THE DAY I GET TO HEAR KYU SING LIVE! YIPEE:D
We wanted to wake up at 930 so that we can do more stuff but we were so tired that we slept till 11. We quickly showered and went to IHOP (International House of Pancakes) for brunch. We ordered a mushroom and spinach omelette and blueberry pancakes – it was much lousier than I expected but I was really hungry so that was good enough for me:P After that, it was already around 1 plus pm. We made our way to the lower part of Manhatten where the World Trade Center was. There was nothing much to see except construction because the memorial site would only open in 2012. We walked down to Wall Street after that. We stopped by this really pretty bakery shop called financier (not a surprise what name this shop would get since we’re in the financial district-.-). I bought a hazelnut macaroon – it tasted like Ferrero rocher but just much nicer, I really liked it!:) Saw the bull at wall street, took a couple of pictures of me holding the bull by its horns. After that, we started walking to Chinatown and SOHO. China town was a really bustling street as well, I managed to find 鸡蛋仔！But it was the lousiest one I have ever eaten SOHO had nothing much, or at least we didn’t have much time to explore much either. It was already about 5pm so we had to make our way to Madison square garden if we wanted to buy merchandise from the SMTown concert.

FINALLY! We arrived at Madison Square Garden. I couldn’t believe I was actually here! I was in the same building as kyuhyun! It was an amazing feeling. Throughout Saturday and Sunday, I was already imagining that I was in the same state as kyuhyun. Haha, when we reached, we saw a huge throng of fans outside the entrance. There was a super LONG line for the merchandise. We started talking to a few random strangers – they were really from all over the world! There was this girl and her mom who flew in from Florida. Her mom’s so cool! She actually said that life’s short and sometimes you gotta do something that is out of the ordinary so she actually accompanied her daughter from florida to new york! WOW right. There was a mad rush for the merchandise, I felt like I was in a market. Haha, but the whole act of doing this is so fun! Buddy and I cut the line and got the merchandise that we want. I bought a changmin and a kyuhyun fan. The Kyuhyun picture was SO dorky! They could have chosen a much better picture, but I was satisfied Then, we went into the stadium. I’ve never seen madison square garden before but I really loved the sight. We waited till 7.30 before the concert actually started. The line-up included: BoA, Kangta, TVXQ, Super Junior, F(x), SNSD, Shinee.

Now comes a really long list of what happened, just to remind myself when I look back on it next time
F(x) started the show. Amber is SO COOL, and it seems that she has the most fans in NY, she got the most cheers out of all the members. After which, Jessica and Krystal did an English duet of the song Tik Tok. I never knew they were sisters until buddy told me! This performance is followed by f(x) again.
Kangta followed with a song that I have no idea about but his vocals are very nice! Shuning thinks it sounds like an OST. Kangta also does a duet with Sully as well. It was so cute, he was sitting on a bench at one end of the stage and sully was on the other end of the stage on another bench. Then onew came running out giving Sully a bag with a microphone.SNSD sang run devil run, kissing you, oh!, genie, hoot and the boys. Shinee sang Juliette, replay, ring ding dong, are you ready or not, and amigo.
SUJU sang sorry sorry answer, some rap by eunhyuk and shindong, bonamana, sorry sorry, mr simple, don’t don.
Key sang yet another duet with BoA. BoA sang some song and then some other English song. F(x) sang 2 songs – Hysteric and hot summer.
Then there was a rap by eunhyuk, shindong, key and minho.
ONEW DID AN OPERA! It was in Spanish if I was not wrong. After which, there was a dance segment – taemin and eunhyuk started dancing off, and then followed by hyoyeon and luna. The Yuri, yoona and soo young joined in (they were super sexy, were showing off their flawless hips). BoA sang hurricane venus and a song that had lyrics like “I need you up/I want your low. BoA’s live performance was so powerful, maybe I will go listen to more of her music.
FINALLY, TVXQ CAME OUT. We’ve been waiting for sooo long! They started off with some song that I’m unsure about, and then sang mirotic (AH). Yunho did a solo and then Changmin joined in. TVXQ – before you go and keep your head down.
F(x) sang danger. When Shinee sang Lucifer, they came up to the center of the stage and had xmen claws, were brought up to the ceiling and had green light coming out of the claws. SNSD sang gee! Then when SUJU sang U, they were wearing black with towels that had a US flag printed on it. THEY THREW THE FLAGS TO THE AUDIENCE AFTER WIPING THEIR FACE! Of course the people in the standing arena got it hahaha
After, DBSK did rising sun and some really cool dance chest thrust thing.

FINALLY, there was the finale I was very sad when it came to an end. It was about 3.5 hours but it felt so short!:( well, good things always come to an end. Kyu came out with Onew. Hyuk and yoona were dancing with each other. Seo and Tiff held on to BoA. Leeteuk had a video cam. Hyuk had angel wings!!!
Kyu always went to the other side of the stage to wave at fans and I was pretty sad about it. But finally, he came over to my side to wave. And then, the moment came. OH MY GOSH. SO I was jumping up and down waving my kyu fan, and then because I’m pretty tall, and a lot of people around me were sitting, I felt like I had his gaze for the moment! He looked straight in my direction, and started waving and jumping as well! I was sooo happy! My idol noticed me! Next time, I’m going to make a signboard with lightsticks that write out his name and make sure he notices me, or a shirt:D hahaha (at that moment I was so stunned and happy) gosh the jubilation, the adrenaline rush.
Leeteuk showed a poster with a heart and a banner and came to wave it at all the fans. Kyuhyun was soooo cute! He hugged donghae and eunhyuk if I’m not wrong and they started jumping up and down!
Hyuk finally removed his pink SMTOWN shirt and threw it to the crowd.

Special Kyu memories

Kyu sang one part of a Korean song whereby he displayed strong vocals and ad-lib. It was amazing. Then when they sang sorry sorry, at the end, everyone was kneeling and only kyu was standing up, he moved his hand across his lip and tried to act sexy. That was hilarious! Haha. Also during one of the suju songs, he attempted to carry donghae or leeteuk (if I’m not wrong), it was so cute and unexpected of him! I really liked his outfit in sorry sorry. White suit. Makes him look very princely. In my heart, he will always be my no. 1 singer:D I’m so happy I got to hear him sing live.

Day 3 Departure from NY (Monday, 24 Oct ’11)

This day was really an adventure for us. So the concert ended at about 10.45pm. We were so high that we couldn’t just go back to the hostel. We went to Macdonald’s instead and talked all about the concert and the bands until about 12 something (that was when I knew that Krystal and Jessica were actual sisters._.). By the time we reached the hostel and washed up, it was already 2 something. And I had to edit my friend’s essay so by time I finished it was 3am. We were supposed to wake up at 4am because our flight was at 6.55. But both of us overslept! We woke up at 5.35am in a daze and rushed to take a taxi to the airport. We managed to make in time, phew!

Now, it’s back to hard work, but I’m prepared and ready to work hard! :D Thank you god for giving me this opportunity!:D

2011-09-23T23:44:00.000-07:00

i need to be stronger. i need to be stronger. i need to be stronger.

God, help me be stronger.

2011-09-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

i havent posted for some time.
i havent stopped and thought about life for some time.
i havent been happy for some time.

this semester has been a series of disappointments, and unhappiness.

what is happiness? what is true happiness? is there even true happiness? does it stem from chasing what everyone is chasing after? am i doing this because of prestige? recognition? maintaining outsider's impression that i am a capable person? what do i truly want? what do i truly like? who am i? xinyi, xinyi.who am i in front of others? is that really me or my mask?
the lines of my identity, seem to have become more blurry.

questions questions. no answers.

stop thinking of what others think. stop comparing with others. live your own life. live it how god wants you to live it.

i have been focusing too much on myself, on physical desires, on living to show others. pursuing something i'm not really sure i want.and throughout all this, i have left god out of the picture. is that why, god? is that you telling me? is that you talking to me?

this semester,i want to realign myself with god. I want to get to know god better.

Dear Jesus,

Please help me.Please guide me in this walk,guide me out of this darkness i feel. Be my shepherd, lead me out of confusion. Dear Father, I give my all to you. Show me who i truly am and what my purpose is in your kingdom. God, i cry out for your love. I will let you lead me, dear god, i let you lead me. Let me do whatever you want me to do.

Amen.

2010-09-23T00:27:00.001-07:00

i really wanna be a "doctor without borders". sometimes i feel like that's the path i wanna take, rather than go through the whole business world thingum. i just wished i could understand and remember biological terms better than i could. i know this path wont be easy but i would feel like it's worth it.

Dear God

2010-09-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

oh Father, please spare me this frustration. My parents spent the time and effort to send me here i wanna do them proud. I pray that you could help me, guide me, be my light, show me how to get out of this. Father, i pray that you would show me what to do, tell me what to do so that i can move on or seek a proper resolution. I know that life has its ups and downs and that's how you made it to be and that's how life is. Father, i pray that you could just help me with this, help me to come to a proper conclusion so that i can move on. Amen.

2010-07-30T01:53:00.000-07:00

Just came back from Switz 2 days ago, but i still feel like i'm having jet lag, i feel so tired all the time and sleep from 1am to 1pm in the morning (amazing, i never knew i could sleep so long! the inner-piggishness is being unleashed).Switzerland was a swell, but it was not a smooth-sailing journey though, there were unhappy moments too, like the time we almost lost our luggages and the horrifying attacks of the flies on my food. Shall post pictures up later, to lazy to do so now.

Coming back to Singapore aroused mixed feelings in me, suddenly i wake up in the morning knowing that i dont have to go to work or tour around cities, knowing that i have to start packing up and getting ready for start of school. Who says that it is enjoyable and exciting to go overseas to study? I feel the complete opposite of this. Its like there's a huge tornado of feelings in me waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes i feel so so depressed that I have to leave all my friends, family and everything i hold dear to in singapore, sometimes i dont even wanna do any preparation work and just watch tv to forget about what i have to do(yes, i know its termed "escapism", hate this word, trying very hard to fight it). Whenever i listen to this song:

Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I get very sad. Many "what-ifs" appear in my head. What if, what if, just what if what ws' sister felt was true? That when she came back from her study, she felt that there was a gap between her close friends already? Its like this feeling of insecurity keeps coming up. I hate feelings, I wanna control these feelings (think i sound like some angsty kid right now)

And then there are feelings like, whats gonna happen if the curriculum gets too tough? Esp when i'm in a foreign country, who do i turn to? Yes, i can talk to God. I know. But i just cant help worrying. I wonder why my brother says he doesnt understand why i would feel this way, when its so exciting to study overseas. and there's the question of why study overseas in the first place if i so dont feel like doing it now? Problem is i feel adventurous, but when it actually approaches, i dont feel the adventure anymore. i felt daring, i wanted to experience smtg different. I didnt really bother to think so much then when i was deciding to apply overseas. I know everything will turn out fine, as everyone assures me. I know that. Its just these feelings are bursting out thats all.

and now, it seems everyone is wrapped up in their own "new Uni" activities, NUS, NTU, etc. It seems everyone's so busy and tied up in their own stuffs now. Yes life continues, its a natural part of life. You wont get to spend as much time with your friends from now on, ACCEPT THAT. I just... sigh, sometimes i wish i was part of their lives, preparing for the start of school in nus/ntu. Not preparing for something almost entirely different. Pple going to berkeley seem nice, yeah. But, I just don't really know them yet. Bah, i just hate these feelings.

shld go do up my "to do" list,"to get" list and "to pack" list. if not i will not even have the time to hang out with my friends >< stop procrastinating xinyi!

2010-07-15T09:25:00.001-07:00

Everything's happening too fast. Just too fast. I can hardly catch up with the pile of tasks i have to settle, both uni and non-uni. I'll fly off on the day i end work. and i'm so afraid i have not enough time to settle everything before i leave for america. Ah, God help me! I really want to enjoy the switz trip and relax all i can before i start studying again. that being said, tmr's the last day of work. FINALLY! Colleagues have been really really nice with me, joking with me, including me in their lunches. i'd be sad to go, but i'd be really happy to stop working once and for all. YESSSS.... FREEDOM HERE I COME!

Wingchun & Lolita (Weird combination. LOL!)

2010-06-18T07:57:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm going to Wingchun by myself. For the first time. Fear, is the first thing i feel. Haha I just get so used to practising sticky hands with kow, i dont even think anyone would be willing to practice with a noob like me, who always flails her hands everywhere (like dancing, or so to quote sifu)>< What if no girl even goes tomorrow? Or those girls who go are the really advanced ones? And wait if sifu asks everyone to practice 'sticky hands'? Where will i go? HAHA had this conversation:

[10:47:26 PM] christabella says: you ask someone else go with you lorh
[10:47:29 PM] Ho Xinyi says: YES DEAD SRS
[10:47:30 PM] christabella says: if not waste money
[10:47:39 PM] Ho Xinyi says: PLEASE LA, WHO IN THE WORLD WILL GO LEARN WINGCHUN
[10:47:44 PM] Ho Xinyi says: IN OUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
[10:47:45 PM] christabella says: YA HAHAHHAAHA
[10:47:47 PM] Ho Xinyi says: OR EVEN HCI
[10:47:48 PM] christabella says: DAMN FUNNY

yes, really funny. come to think of it, I doubt anyone would want to go to such a lesson. It just so... uncommon. That's why sometimes i wonder if i was born out of an egg rather than from my mom's womb. I have such different interests than the social norm. backstreetboys, wingchun, etc. But wingchun really does help me relieve the stress after a days work, and i really like the pain (sounds sadistic) and I like the feeling of me persevering even though i feel the pain right through my bones. (Come to think of it, i think we use too much strength. its all about STRUCTURE STRUCTURE AND STRUCTURE. COMEONMAN XINYI YOU CAN DO IT.)This is a real new experience, dabbling in martial arts. My brother tells me not to tell my guy friends that i'm learning martial arts. Why must there be such social conformities? Oh girls must learn dance and singing to be lady-like and to be girlish and to be this and that blah blah blah. Nah, I'm just gonna be myself and do what I enjoy doing, but at the same time still be lady-like and well-mannered. HAHA but wingchun and lady does sound rather ironical.

On a lighter note, borrowed Lolita, its so popular that i had to pay $1.55 to reserve the book!:/ Now i know where nlb gets its money from. Fines and this. But, HAHA. It is really quite a sensually humorous book. The usage of words was amazing, AND... HUMBERT HUMBERT>< OMG, FUNNY! haha

OKAY COMEONE XINYI, YOU GOTTA BRACE YOURSELF, BE INDEPENDENT. IF NOBODY WANT TO 'STICKY HANDS'WITH YOU, YOU 'STICKY HANDS' WITH YOURSELF. DO AGAINST THE MIRROR OR WITH THE MIRROR(eeps sounds weird). SHELLA KOH GET WELL SOON. INDEPENDENT INDEPENDENT INDEPENDENT...

-exposed duck.

Wingchun & Lolita (Weird combination. LOL!)

2010-06-18T07:57:00.001-07:00

random peacefulness

2010-05-31T07:28:00.000-07:00

Listening to pathetique sonata mvmt 2 now. Its really so soothing and reaches the heart, relaxing the soul entirely and completely. Sometimes, I really enjoy a little quiet time by myself, listening to soothing music and just doing my own stuff. It really releases all the stresses from the mind:)

yesterday,I went to church and heard this really beautiful line: Cast all your cares on Him. It really makes me feel that I have nothing to worry about. I feel that sometimes, people need a little bit of faith in life. Being skeptical about everything in life will lead only to bitterness and suspicion about everything.
Today, something simple but wonderful happened to me.I forgot to bring my cardkey to work today. By right, i couldnt get into the office because i needed the cardkey to open the door. So on the mrt to work, i just prayed that someone who goes to the office would take the same lift as me or that the door would be open so that i dont have to wait outside helplessly or trouble someone by pressing the doorbell. So, when i went up the lift, i reached the entrance, i was absolutely relieved to see the door was wide open. But the amazing thing was that immediately after i went through the door and sat at my worktable, the receptionist reported to work and closed the door. Yeah, it might have been argued to be luck. But i chose to believe in the higher work of God:) It's always good to have a little faith:) good things can happen to you.

New word I learnt today: Scatological intensity
Scatological: the study of or preoccupation with excrement or obscenity.
who would have thought we could use it like that? Haha probably the writer meant that the intensity level was as intense as preoccupation or obsession with excrement/obscenity. I don't know how that make sense actually O_o

The Notebook:)

2010-05-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

I just watched The Notebook! Yeah I know its a 2004 production and i'm kinda lag in watching it but.... OMG its one of the most beautiful love stories i've ever heard. i cried at 2 separate scenes, it was so touching:O it makes me wonder if such a love ever exists in real life (i know how tv can always give pple very idealistic views about love), but if it were to exist, that would be so beautiful, so so beautiful.

2010-05-16T02:43:00.001-07:00

the other day i went to immigration and checkpoints authority to change my passport because the photo was too old and unrecognizable. I decided there and then that i would change the photo on my i/c too, (i really wonder what possessed me to have that kind of hairstyle or look that way few years ago, horrifying picture that scares everyone away). I remember when people want to check my i/c last time, they would say:

movie security guy: may i look at your i/c? cos you're watching an M18 show
me: ERR... may i not show it to you? I'm 18, my friends are all 18 too.
movie security guy: sorry, must follow rules

and i reluctantly pull out my i/c giving it to him and turning away, too embarrassed to look at his reaction.

At the "change i/c" counter.

female officer: how may i help you?
me: i'd like to change my i/c photo
female officer: how old are you?
me: 19
female officer: do you know you can change it when you're 30? why do you want to change now?
me: because i'm only 19? there's many years till i become 30?
female officer: *gives the weird stare* okay, pass me your i/c

i wonder why a lot of people like to ask why and probe more then what their job expects them to do. maybe its because of the dreariness of their mundane job that they seek to find smtg or do smtg that changes the rote of their daily living. i rmb encountering a bus driver that talked to me. i boarded the bus in sports attire and carrying a badminton bag. I didnt bring my ez link card and was planning on paying adult fare.

me: uncle ah, how much is adult fare ah?
bus driver: xiaomei, eh why do you want to pay adult fare? 55cents will do.
me: but... (hesistates) orh okayy (*why not? can save money too. hehe*)

i find it quite funny, but oh wells, I got to save some money, so who's complaining?

2010-05-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

there they are at it again. :( yeah i know i'm going to explore new creation church tomorrow. yeah i know that there is a scandal revolving around this church due to its massive amount of money spent on building a greater and grander church. They warn me that some pastors are just SO charismatic that they can convince you to do anything (and give an example of some cult group that claims to have christian origins). at that moment i felt my face slightly flushed with anger. How can you compare a cult group to an established church organisation. Them spending lots of donations to build a church instead of giving it to the poor and needy can only be understood as logical or mildly reasonable in the religious sense. The church is the body of Christ. By spending on rebuilding a greater church, its something like creating greater and bigger grounds for more people to come together to worship God, the way i understand it. In the end, all it benefits is the people. Non-christians will never be able to understand or tolerate this fact thats why they keep harping on it once, twice, many times. If they dont wish me to donate, I won't donate. But why keep harping and harping like its a sin to contribute to the building of the church, like i'm this innocent naive girl who might easily be preyed upon by churches to distort and twist the boundaries of my faith? I've discretion, thank you for your advice, I will take everything with a pinch of salt, but I'm quite tired of hearing the same old lines over and over again. Because you won't understand where I am coming from. God, I pray, please help me enlighten them.

if i say you can, means you can:)

2010-05-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

if i say you can, means you can:) what powerful words of encouragement. I felt so much more confident after my instructor said that. I must say I am quite happy with my parking and my circuit driving except for the fact that i need to be more cautious and look up for any incoming cars and motorcycles and make sure i dont hit the curb. however i'm still not very fluid in my changing of gears. that i have to work on. Well i really do hope i pass the first time round:/

spongebob and mrs. smith

2010-05-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

asking spongebob to make mrs.smith the 100%? at that moment, spongebob hesitated. why did mrs smith say that? why not mr and mrs smith 50-50%? but how cld spongebob doubt mrs. smith? she took care of spongebob be it sickness or in gd health ever since spongebob was born. Everything she did was in spongebob's interests. how could spongebob ever think that way? spongebob must admonish himself for thinking like that. spongebob should think good of people and spongebob should repay the love and care given to him. Gratitude. God's will: The attitude of gratitude. True gratitude does not give up. He walks beside us. He never forsakes us. Spongebob believes in that and spongebob believes He will help. Help him to be a more grateful sponge.

I will run to You

2010-04-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
'Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

2010-04-20T07:51:00.001-07:00

today's one of the worst days in a very long time. 2 rejections all at once - thats more than what i can take. It's a really horrible feeling to have been looking forward to going to Shanghai for many weeks and suddenly be told that i cannot go because i'm just a jc student who's not useful to them. and i've quit my job already. suddenly i realise i've so much time. SUddenly, i dont know what i'm going to do or what i shld be doing the next few months. and that email just came before the rejection from IE. sometimes, i wonder if i did not put in as much effort as i should. that i took it for granted that my parents could fund my uni education even if i didnt get the scholarship. now i regret it. i really regret it. i shouldnt have let this chance slip. i shld have been more aggressive and made sure i articulated my points and ideas clearly to the assessors. I wanted so much to get the scholarship to make my parents proud and let them have more money for their old age. I hate myself for being so complacent, i thought that just being myself would suffice. Apparently not. i'm not as smart, nor as quick-thinking, nor as vocal, nor as outspoken, nor as hungry for the scholarship as other applicants. I havent been doing as much reading, i havent as much general knowledge, i take my situation for granted. Sometimes i feel i should be born in a poor family instead. Make me more hungry for the scholarship. make me work much harder. Maybe i would have been a much more successful person.and not take my blessings for granted. dear God, please tell me what i should do. Please tell me how i should change. It sounds like not a big deal, only the best get the scholarship, it cant be helped that i'm just a jc student and shanghai doesnt want me. But why both at once? Suddenly i'm just thrown into a big sea. like i've nowwhere to go. I dont know why i take it so seriously, why these made me think so much (esp not getting to the 3rd round). Sometimes i wonder, am i just the average student, or do i have potential to be more than that. Although i thank God that I can still go to ucb even without the scholarship, i feel horrible. The US fees are not cheap. I thought i might have a good chance at it, i took that chance for granted. Now my parents have to pay all my fees. I thought my ideas were good, but i guess they just werent enough. I'm sorry, mom and dad.

Magic Power 魔幻力量 [ 我是誰我是誰我是誰 ] MV官方完整版

2010-04-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most meaningful chinese songs i've ever heard.
我是谁你是否常常这样问自己
我是谁总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁只有不是自己才安全
为什麽你以为这个世界很美丽
为什麽你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什麽这个世界不给你平等待遇
为什麽到底做错了什麽
朋友都说你太太太奇怪
在背后把你当成笑笑笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在
你想要的很很很简单
不过就是最普通的的的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看
无论他们又说什麽闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful
会不会上帝把你的灵魂放错了身体
会不会是故意整你不是不小心
会不会你常常都觉得力不从心
会不会坚持要做自己太危险
凭什麽难道比较特别就是不对
凭什麽先下了注解在认识之前
凭什麽只不过想认真的活一遍
凭什麽随便就把人定罪
我是谁这个问题困扰你多少天多少夜
我是谁谁有资格决定你怎样才是对
我是谁我是谁我是谁
我就是我你就是你
认真做自己的人最美丽

sometimes i wonder if life is like that. God made everyone differently, some people may not accept who you really are, so you put on a mask in front of others and try to blend with the crowd, and slowly you lose sight of who you really were in the first place. embrace who you are, just be yourself and do what you enjoy doing.

2010-04-08T00:31:00.001-07:00

looking really more in depth at ucberkeley's student website for the first time, it made me realise one thing, i actually do not know much about the school at all, the culture, the people, the academia etc. i asked myself, "what about this school did i like so much? what made me so eager to get into this school?"
at that moment, i was lost for words. i don't know? it's good, its prestigious, its not that cold, its had lots of asians, wow... that's all i really know about the school?
I give myself excuses that this is normal, because i'm a foreign student, i don't even have the chance to go to berkeley's open house day or get to see their campus myself unless i really go there in fall. Then i ask myself, why berkeley? why not other options? it was then i realised that i was so accustomed to people around me saying that berkeley is really good that i have convinced myself that thats the only place for me.
To tell the truth, i'm really afraid of going to a foreign country, how will i get used to it? will it be very fast-paced? how is the culture like? What are the people like? So many questions in my head left unanswered.
But I know i have to start now, and take more interest in finding out what berkeley really has to offer me, what other universities have to offer, so that i am sure that i have made the right decision, so that when people ask me why berkeley, i wouldnt answer them like "oh my parents said it was good, my brother said it was good, my friends said it was good." i would say, "it is definitely the school i want to be in for the next three years."

2010-01-31T02:10:00.000-08:00

That day's outing was really fun. Not only fun but unique. First time i saw fireworks that did not take place on a new yrs day or chinese new yr or even national day. First time the train that i was in overshot and missed somerset station altogether. First time (although it was my friend who experienced it) that i heard that someone vomited on the train on a total stranger. what are the chances that all these will happen in one night? haha we even tried to make a wish while the fireworks were still on going.

I just created my facebook account. right not i feel really noob like an exposed naked chicken cos everyone else alr has facebook. I'm prob the only lag person who hasnt gotten a facebook account.On the more serious side, sometimes i think facebook is a beautiful yet hideous tool. Beautiful cos it makes it so much easier to connect people together. It makes catching up easy and yet fun. Hideous in the sense that somepeople use it to make fun of others. yes it might not be intentional, but i just dont think its right? i mean after that you shld say you're joking or somethin.this is just how i feel sometimes.

2010-01-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

it is quite freaky to see the bathtub sewage (wadever you call that)clogged with hair every time you bathe. I've been dropping a lot of hair recently and it got me quite scared. Even my auntie noticed it. I actually thought of going to bee choo hair treatment centre because i heard it was quite good at treating hair loss. But i went to flowerpod and checked and someone actually complained that bee choo was using fake chinese herbs! my brother laughed at me and kept looking at my head (he thought i was balding, cos he thought bee choo hair centre was something like beijing 101). I still have a lot of hair, yes, but the amount of hair that drop off my head is still O.o

today went chinese new year shopping, but it was not fruitful at all. I ended up buying a dress on impulse. and i spent 42.70 out of my own savings. i need a job fast. A JOB. A REAL JOB. so i can earn money so that i wont need to ask my parents for money.

i wanted to do something meaningful. i realised all my previous cip were directed at children. This time round i wanted to do something different which i thought was meaningful too. I wanted to volunteer at HCA hospice. i mean the dying also shld have the right to be cared for and live their remaining days happily. If i would be able to make their days slightly less painful, slightly happier, even if it were to be a wee bit, that would be great. i actually nvr linked this to my religion. All i had in my mind was to, from the bottom of my heart, really interact with these old people and understand their pain and their plight. But my parents warned me today to not be like some christians who preach to people to convert to christianity before they pass away and put stress onto these patients. I never had the intention to do this. I guess only the christians will understand that all they want to do is help, but it may be a bit too extreme. I must say i understand where non-believers like my parents are coming from and they have reason for saying this. I think all these misunderstandings about christianity all arise from different points of view and a few bad eggs in the basket. But i know these things cant be forced upon. It is entirely up to the person to choose his own path of life and religion. Right now, all i'm actually concentrating on is having the opportunity to care for the patients and help them in any way i can. I believe that religion does not have to come in in interaction between two people. It is the connection that counts.

Note to God

2009-12-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

No, no no no
We can't do this on our own
So

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God

2009-12-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

somehow i feel that you're not worth spending so much effort on. be nicer, a nicer person. no matter what pple say or do, treat them nicely.

2009-12-26T18:49:00.001-08:00

There are many more people to love in life and many more people to help in life. Time shouldnt be wasted on silly hippos

2009-12-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

Trolls will always be trolls.

2009-12-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

why can't pple just love each other for who they truly are? somehow, i feel that i'm too naive, too idealistic. somehow i feel that this day will never come. But i will never step that low.

2009-02-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

why do you always expect me to make the first move? why can't things be more natural? how much time do i spend with you? its natural that i cannot really talk to you since i dont spend as much time with you. i admit i might not be trying my best but it is in my heart. why do you have to keep using stupid examples to prove your point. i hate it when you do that. why do you always have to impose whatever you feel should be right on others? do you think this will improve the situation?i dont know but i just cannot stand it right now.

2009-02-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

I'M VERY HAPPY TODAY:D

2009-01-14T06:07:00.001-08:00

OH i realised i havent said happy new year yet. so HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!:D

2009-01-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't love you but i want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but i can't move
I can't look away

And i dont know how to be fine when i'm not
Cause i don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feelings takin control
Of me and i can't help it...

Though you should know
I've tryed my best to let go of you

It's gettin hard to
Be around you
Theres so much i can't say
And do you want me to hide the feelings
And look away

And i dont know how to be fine when i'm not
Cause i don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feelings takin control
Of me and i can't help it

2008-12-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

HOW TO OFFICIALLY HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR HOMEWORK:

1) Try to think of something positive about it, then keep telling that to yourself in your head

2) When your friends talk to you about that subject, blush uncontrollably and get excited over it. Keep telling yourself how much you love it.

3) Flirt. If your homework likes you back, flirt even more

this are the three main steps to officially have a crush on your homework(:

2008-12-07T00:12:00.000-08:00

i have a SEXAYY voice now,it sounds really low and hoarse, but my coughing sucks, it makes me feel really bad. haha but i'm so much better already!:D thankyou all those who cared for me that day:>

prom is finally over! i need 2 days for that message to sink into my head. haha it would have been more fun if i hadnt felt sick and antisocial that day._. some of the seniors really know how to dress very wellO.o but registration was sort of a headache at the last part cos the seniors would really wait until the last minute to register causing a huge jam. HAHA and i really didnt want to touch the guy's hands to put the UV chop on their hands so whenever i cld i wld get kahloke to do it for me._. haha

i've thought over it.let nature takes its course. and i'll leave the rest up to God

2008-12-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

a few more hours to prom and a few + a few more hours to the end of prom. YAY:D

2008-11-27T21:26:00.000-08:00

It is already 5 days since i came back from the ocip trip, and i'm still having a hangover. I feel so antisocial and i just wish time could standstill when i was in changjiao and stay like that with the kids forever. Of course, reality is always never like that. I miss everything that happened over there, all the memories... it can never be erased away. I wish i could snap out of this state soon cos it's not doing myself any good.

I can picture your reflection against the glass pane, it's so hard to erase away. I wish i could forget all the small little things that happened, but i cant.

2008-11-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

This is a tribute to Mr Kakare, Anti-terrorist squad chief (Mumbai):

He was one of the best officers they ever had. Honest, level-headed and devoted to duty. He would attend community meetings to listen to the grievances of the Muslim community. At such meetings, he would often exhort the youth to study hard and get good jobs. A top cop who honoured duty above all, who dug deep to get the truth behind the crimes. He never flinched from his duty, till his very last breath. I respect him for such courage and desire to serve, heroes like that will live in our hearts forever.

2008-11-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Keep Holding On
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say (Nothin' you can say)
Nothing you can do (Nothin' you can do)
There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear

Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, Yeah yeah

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny

Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..

La da da da, la da da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh
Keep holdin' on
Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh

Keep holdin' on
There's nothing you could say
Nohing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

2008-11-27T03:30:00.000-08:00

HO XINYI IS 52 YEARS OLD!!!!

IF SHE DELETES THIS, TOMORROW SHE WILL TURN 52 YEARS OLD!!! without a doubt....

hoxy likes to talk to herself, like how she is talking to herself here now!

hoxy has weird taste in music, she don't like those rocky rocky kind!!! that's why i say she's those kind of unhip 52-year-old ahma...

hoxy loves to eat and eat and eat, especially fried oyster!!! she ate so many in a row!!!

hoxy is imba at table tennis, badminton and snorting, even burping i might add!

acting cute also is one of her forte, that's why a dog called simba but in fact is a lion, he loves her very much when she calls for him, "sim simmmmmm *mwah*"

how can such a talented piece of mama chickenaden be living in the world of ducks...

she should be flying off to the land of chicken wings now where she can bask in the sunlight playing grade 8 piano!!!

this is what happens when hoxy becomes a mega farting machine!!! but cannot beat simba, he is teh l33t!!!

wah, ho xinyi rocks fong's chicken socks off, rocks sheila's leg warmers off, rocks rocks rocks!!!!

i know hoxy loves me!
don't worry i love me too!!!

hoxy will turn into a penguin tmr, must come to the airport to send her off to antartica ah!

P.S. this pen has no cap

2008-11-27T03:08:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish you would know how i feel.sometimes i wish i could know how you feel too.

2008-11-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

MY OCIP TRIP (OCIP NANJING, FUJIAN)

1st Day, Wednesday, 12 Nov 2008
There was nothing much that we did today. We just went to the supermart and bought a lot of stationery and sports equipment. It was about three hours plus drive from Xiamen to Changjiao primary and on the way, we camwhored. haha, that was the first time i saw Changjiao primary, at that time, i never thought that it would have made such a big difference to my life.

a picture of the outside view when i was in the plane

Changjiao Primary

Day 2, Thursday, 13 Nov 2008
Today was the first day we really got to know some of the kids. They asked us to play their rope games, which i must say is very refreshing and a totally new experience for me. I also played basketball and tabletennis with the guys and got to them better. They had never seen Singaporeans before so everybody was crowding around me, sheila, tag and libo like we were starsO_o Honestly i was overwhelmed by their overenthusiasm but i felt very honoured. Today was mainly preparation, nothing much we did. We went around the school today. It was really cosy and all, and their school was really small. All 6 levels had only one class except primary 4, which had two classes. Everywhere we walked, the kids would greet us as laoshi, and by the end of the day, a lot of them had already known our names, i felt really warmed by their hospitality and was already warming up to some of the kids:D

Day 3, Friday, 14 November 2008
Today was mainly preparation too, me and sheila managed to find some time to walk out of the school to some beautiful river. We almost wanted to cross the river by walking on the stones. but knowing how clumsy we were, there was a 90% chance that we could slip and fall into the river and never come back, so we decided against doing that. HAHA._. Today, the rest of the people came in the evening. Weisheng missed the plane because of some visa issue, so we prayed to God that he could come and thank God that he managed to come, because he would have missed something special otherwise.

Day 4, Saturday, 15 November
We went sightseeing today, to see all the tulous. It's really amazing how so many people could live together under one roof with wooden beds in a round clay structure. Some of the kids went with us to see these tulous, some of which were their houses. I really wonder how it feels like to live in a tulou. It's really a vast difference from our living standards in Singapore, i must say, this was really a cultural experience for all of us. We went to tulou after tulou, and the kids kept asking me where i was going next. Honestly speaking, i can't remember the names of the different tulous for nuts, so whenever i was asked that i pretended that i didnt hear, which made me feel rather bad. Although i must say they all looked around the same, i agree that each tulou had a story to tell, so i did not think that it was a waste of time to go through all the tulous._. By the fourth day,i was getting quite sick of eating rice and vegetables (although their food was very good), and i was longing for mee pok:/ i guess i just had to get used to their eating habits over there. on a random note, coordinating and encouraging the participants to put in effort for the farewell party was very tiring and kinda made me feel very uncomfortable. I know it is very normal that people would get very sian and du3lan3 all the songs and dances, to such an extent that they wanted to pon the dance session, i know that cos i felt that way before. But being in the shoes of the coordinator, i finally felt how terrible it must have felt to coordinate such activities. It made me think a lot, on whether i was suited to be a leader in the first place, on how i could command their respect such that they would listen to me. But i guess this is really a learning experience, nobody was born to be a leader anw, except maybe people like maozedong or what. but whatever, i think i learnt a lot from this experience, no matter how terrible i felt, or how easily i cried, i'll grow a stronger person out of it._. haha

Day 5, Sunday, 16 November 2008
Today we went to some waterfall thing and we climbed up a hill. oh yeah! i had a ride on the principal's motorcycle (my first and probably last motorcycle ride in my life), it was so COOL!:D oh and then we walked up a few hundred flights of steps just to see the top view of all the tulous, fong was complaining like mad! haha>< although i was almost dying from the climb upwards.

Day 6, Monday, 17 November 2008 (First day at work)
Building a bicycle shelter got kinda tiring and ambiguous. I hit myself a total of 6 times with the hoe:/ made me feel like a clumsy oaf, especially the part when i hit myself in order to dodge qiaoyue, zomg i felt so stupid O.o But work was really fun, especially goofing around with friends. i was starting to LOVE the kids with every minute, especially those who were always around me and every break they would find me. Without me even knowing it, i was creating a special bond between me and them. The kids over there were always enthusiastic about learning every sport, even frisbee which i was in! They were seriously adorable and they would keep begging for your attention to teach them the basics. Ti3 cao1 was quite successful because once again, the kids were all so enthusiastic about it. They even corrected me when i did some move wrongly. Even the p6 guys did the exercise, which was kinda surprising. Night reflection didnt go too well though. People felt that there was something wrong with the way construction went, and i must say i would have felt horrible too if someone were to say i was slacking when all i needed was a break. i could see that the organiser wasnt feeling very good about the dispute. Although i really wanted to go over after the reflection to ask him how he was, i'm sure there would be closer friends to be there for him, so i just went off after that.

Day 7, Tuesday, 18 November 2008
In the morning, we went on to hack on the grass in the field to make a visible track for running. It was really tiring, but i think that's cos i really hacked like mad, then me and zhenrui were competing who hacked faster._. It really took away a lot of my energy, but i must say, i enjoyed it a lotO.o my first time working at such a high speed. In the afternoon, it was my first time teaching english._. It was a NEW experience, but our job was rather easy cos they were all very ATTENTIVE and well-behaved. You just have to threaten to minus their group marks and they'll all keep quiet. We taught them manners and i think colours today (but it got a little on my nerve when they kept pronouncing manners as manner-si) Again, frisbee was very fun. I really enjoyed my time with the kids especiall xiaohong and her sister. Today's reflection was a little special cos mrs tan made us do this activity where we were to observe certain people and write good comments about them. It was really funny how we all got people we knew or hanged out with. Tag got libo, i got liang, liang got sheila, sheila got qiaoyue, jiawei got me etc. It was rather amusing. I must say i'm very blessed that i got to write about liang, cos i dont know, i guess i'm just blessed. haha:D

Day 8, Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Today, i didnt hack with that much intensity already, the day before's high-intensity hacking really whacked me out. Today was a little more slack for me though. But as usual, i enjoyed the english lesson a lot, cos they kids really had the desire to learn which made everything so much easier, although i had to project myself quite a lot because they were very loud._. i felt that i was falling sick, because it suddenly turned very cold and stuff. preparation for farewell party got a little more tough,because everybody was very very sian of the dances and songs already, and when they give the very bored look and sit down, i needed to do some pushing before they would sing.

Day 9, Thursday, 20 November 2008
Today was the last day that we were doing the hacking of the grass on the fields , the whole track was almost done, i really felt a sense of accomplishment when i saw a bare track, it really felt that i made a difference to the lives of the kids. before that i was so worried that there were a lot of rocks that the kids, who usually go barefooted, might get cut by, but after seeing all the participants putting in their best effort to grab out every single rock that was sticking out, my heart felt very warmed and fuzzy, it was really encouraging to see them all enthusiastic about this. By now, most of the kids already knew that we were leaving the next day. xiaohong cried during the frisbee session and she asked me whether i could stay on forever. I felt very sad, because a lot of kids really wanted us to stay.

Day 10, Friday, 21 November 2008
Last day at Changjiao primary. Honestly speaking, i'll miss it a lor. During the sharing session, i said that i had no comments, but actually i was thinking of so many things that i didnt know what to say, which was exactly what sheila did too. I'm not exactly the type to express my feelings outright to a large audience. After that, i went out to walk alone and started crying by myself. I walked through the fields, to the classrooms, to the stage and the football fields...i'll miss everything that happened Changjiao, all the lives that we've touched and all the kids whom have touched our lives. I'll miss the HOEO.o Whenever i close my eyes, i keep seeing images of xiaohong and xiaoyan. I see their eyes brimming with tears and i cried even more. The kids really impacted me a lot- their innocence, their boundless energy and immeasurable love that they have provided us with. This is the first time i've ever felt such a close and indescribable bond with some of the kids. I know i hv no one to blame when i get so emotionally attached. I guess i have to learn not to emotionally involve myself so much to prevent such an amount of sorrow when we leave.Scenes of them chasing me around and shouting my name, holding my hand and smiling, giving me all sorts of things, even fishes, keep flooding my head, i cannot help but miss their chatter. On a random note, farewell party's finally over, i'm so glad it went smoothly and the kids really love the dressing up game, even the participants (especially the guys) were loving it when xiaoqiao dressed up (pictures come later)They were practically oogling all over her! LOL._. the judges HAD to give her a prize because of how cute she was,in the end she got 2nd. HAHA. when xinyang knew he won the best dressed, he ripped apart his "newspaper" costume and cried aloud, it was HILARIOUS!:D haha><

Day 11, Saturday, 22 November 2008
This day was the most horrible day of all cos we were really leaving Changjiao primary. The p4 kids kept holding on and refused to let go, they were all crying and i had to stay strong so a forced a smile and said i would write letters to them.But at the very last moment, i couldnt force back my tears and i cried along with everybody. It was unavoidable, and difficult to control our emotions, because reality really hit us hard that we were really leaving the kids, no more chatter, no more chasing ard, no more english lessons. I really really longed for a chance to go back and teach them again. During the bus trip, everybody was quiet. They were either red-eyed or asleep. It got so hot and stuffy in the bus that i started hyperventilating and felt like vomitting. The bus stopped soon after and a stumbled out. I felt really horrible. I couldnt breathe, i felt cold and hot and the feeling was just horrible. Consequently, i vomitted in the car. After this incident, we went to the Hot springs. It was a whole new experience for me cos they had a lot of hot springs like curry flavoured, lemon bath, coffee bath, milk bath and all sorts of flavours! it was quite sad that we didnt have a lot of time to try all the different baths

Day 12, Sunday, 23 November 2008
Today we visited this island called gu lang yu where actually i dont really know what was so special about it, but i enjoyed it all the same. They had a lot of old buildings though. So i had fun taking lots of pictures. OH and doing RETARDED poses with jiawei. HAHA>< we got scammed by this roadside seller though, and it was quite pissifying though a good lesson learnt. This guy was sitting down on a white mat selling a small toy that could move to sounds (or so we thought). when we asked the toy to jump, it jumped. when we asked it to sit, it sat. When we asked it to somersault, it somesaulted. We thought 5 yuan for 2 was too good a deal and before we knew it, we had bought the whole stall (about ten toys). Soon after, the guy disappeared and when we tried the toy out, it didnt work at all._. After that mr heng told us he saw the guy putting his hand in between his legs and it was moving. I looked at the toy again and realised there were 2 transparent strings attached to it. Hai.. i felt so stupid after getting scammed. Gosh, i didnt know whether to laugh or be angry>< After that, we didnt want to go to see the temple so we had a few hours to shop. i got very good deals there, converse shoes for $15.30,a bag for $9, it was super cheap! HAHA after that we went to see this cannon museum and also xiamen university, but throughout the walk, we were discussing about what happened the night before. On how me and sheila walked into tag and libo's room to close their door and offed their lights when they were sleeping when they claimed they had locked the door before they slept. I was honestly very freaked out, especially when we went in at about 12 am. I really didnt want to think about that issue anymore. especially since after we helped them, we locked ourselves out of our own room, hilarious. haha._.

Day 13, Monday, 24 November 2008
Nothing much for today, just going to the airport and flying back. This trip really changed me quite a lot, and how i perceive the whole world. I've become more appreciative of whatever that i had around me, i must say i'm still learning, but i wish i could learn to be like the kids, give more love, less hate, appreciate and enjoy everything that i have and the blessings i already have. I must say no matter how cliche it is, this trip is rather life-changing experience for me, i'll never forget the kids' smiles.

2008-11-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

i find it really hard to talk to my parents. sometimes, i dont really know who's the one starting a fighting match. Almost all the time they open their mouth, they start nagging, either about my studies or about current affairs. And when sometimes i dont agree, they start getting worked up and angry and give that very irritated face. i cant stand it so much that i start shouting and they would scold me even more. Sometimes i wish i could escape away from their clutches and the demands of everybody for awhile.sometimes i wish they could just talk nicely. it takes two hands to clap, and they're always ganging up against me. I feel so tired of their demands and expectations. maybe this ocip trip will give me a break from all their expectations. i've only one thing on my mind right now: to give my best for the kids over there in nanjing:)
that's all i will concentrate on for now.

ONE more day to OP

2008-11-03T08:41:00.000-08:00

its just one more day to OP, i really hope i can do well. But currently, i realised i have very bad presentation skills, the things that pow said are exactly the things that my parents said. it's getting scary and my family has been really accomodating, practising with me till midnight.
but there's still the powerpoint clicking coordination which i'm quite scared of. I really need the powerpoint as my cue card, if not i think i'll just blank out. oh man, i'm ranting again. okay i shall stop here and go back to my script><

2008-10-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

I realised i have a lot a lot of things to do and so many people's expectations to meet up to lately. I have ocip- do up the programme booklet by monday, remember to collect money on friday, prepare logistics and everything to teach e mass dances and songs by meeting 3 and the whole outline and general logistics of the farewell party, prom- get on with the whole ticketing thing, give seniors their tickets etc (sometimes i feel like such a lousy secretary, always so slow with processing everything), pw- beautify and cut down words on the WR, start on OP rehearsals etc, welfare initiatives- do up the agenda for admin meeting, evaluate the canteen survey all by monday. Everybody's chasing me for deadlines, sorry i just need some place to rant. Argh, i just wanna do everything well. But it doesnt seem so. Tmr i have pw early in the morning, then prom informals, then scream work session. Sunday, i HAVE to go sentosa to celebrate fong's birthday if not it's not fair to her, i have to do the ocip programme booklet, i have to do the admin meeting agenda, i have to do the evaluation of canteen survey and i have to do pw. Monday i have welco informals, and welfare duty, tue- scream worksession, wed- prom formals, thurs-welco formals, fri-ocip meeting. i suddenly feel tired. i need a place to rant haha sorry if this bores you.

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST FLY FLY!<3333333333333! you always seem to understand me the best<3. i shall write more about you some other time when i'm more free

2008-10-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

i really think wenshi should join hwa chong idol. i mean, she has the voice, she quite pretty, and its like a very approachable face. its really a pity that she's not the kind who would go for these kinda activities. I guess if i were her i wouldnt want too. Extra trouble for you when you get the extra attention. I'd rather remain a more unknown person in school, that'll be more fun:D
anyway, this post is dedicated to stupid fong. here's a big HAPPY SWEET 17th FONG CHOW CHOW!:D haha since you LOVE and ADORE chow chow so much, i shall change your name to fong chow chow. i bet you're loving it right now. okay, anyway since this lovely blog post is dedicated to you, be honoured that your name is even on it. haha okay.. it's been 5 years, you stupid pig have never changed all your habits. you love to sleep, go home early, watch korean and jap anime and jap shows, just doing everything a pig does. but i LOVE you all the same! 'cos you're honey sweet(: nice person:D ( sorry i think i'm high on alcohol or smtg that i must be lying right now) and so blur (quote "HUH?!?!?!" "WHO IS THAT PERSON?") HAHA but you always never fail to make me laugh, make me smile, and brighten up my day whenever i'm sad (omg i'm feeling my hair standing up now). but yeah, i feel really blessed to have you as a friend, my best lower sec buddy, someone i can confide with. Thank you for always being there for me, although perma with a blur look. but yeah, if you really want me to say--> you're special, i shall say it. YOU ARE SPECIAL._. ewww. haha i'm not as thick skinned as "dash" ><

okay this is random but. wow, i love playing badminton(: i really miss playing badminton a LOT. that's why i'm always trying to find excuses to play nowadays. but i dont really like it when i'm playing in the central plaza, i think it's too AA:(

2008-10-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

to be honest, i'm very very scared for op. i'm sure noone would want to hear my complaints since everybody has the same feeling but bummer. it sucks to have to prepare a 5 min "MEMORISED" presentation and know it at the back of your head in such a short period of time. especially when i'm bad at oral presentation. i always get the jitters. AH._. i really hope this pw thing will pass over soon:/ results are going to be out soon... i really dont wanna get a U for physics, i'll be devastated. it really really sucks. all this "waiting" feeling. LOL this blog post sounds so emo.

on a happier note, rachel's really really cute! she even learnt to say some garbage word ("gabooz") that i taught her. haha i dont even know what's the meaning of that! and she's learning all the new words that i taught her, its so fun:D

2008-10-10T08:17:00.001-07:00

SORRY/ GOMENASAI best budd! i know i gotta be more aware of my surroundings. GOMENASAI!

2008-10-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

Today was HCI Open House Day, i stayed over at sheila's house together with coco, chen chi and zara the day before just to save a few minutes of time since we had to reach school at 6.15. HAHA><>

my father's talking about the financial crisis AGAIN. He has been doing that for the past week, keep asking me whether i've read the papers, and that i must know what's going on in the world. Sometimes, it really gets so annoying when he becomes all naggy, but i guess i just have to listen and take all that in. lol

on a random note, i'm quite worried for this person who got cane marks on her hand, it must have hurt real bad when she quarrelled with her parents, but i feel very helpless when i can only sympathise with her. JIAYOU kay! no matter what, just try and give in to your parents because that's the only thing you can do to avoid a beating._.

2008-10-08T06:21:00.001-07:00

some people are just so complex. they tend to complicate and fabricate things just to make everyone unhappy and give false impressions that there are actually a lot of problems when there are not. why can't things be just simpler and happier? why must we make ourselves unhappy and worried the whole day, it's totally not worth it.

2008-10-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

i'm a HAPPY girl today:D 'cos wenshi and chris made me a muffin:D:D:D:D haha it's these little things that makes me happy...
went to watch the auditions for prom, some of them are really good, i wonder how they can harmonise so well, i guess some people are just uber talented in music. i dont think i can even do that._.
haha oh my i realise i'm quite a procrastinator when it comes to getting things done. i'm still in the "oh-wow-it's-after-exams-and-i-must-celebrate" mood>< must constantly remind myself, if not i'll start trying to play again.
come to think of it, i miss playing diablo. Heard diablo 3 is coming out soon, i'll try to get my hands on it. haha

2008-10-07T06:01:00.000-07:00

many things have happened recently... lol to be more apt "events". its very relieving that exams are over:D fos has been quite fun, i thought frisbeee was boring actually, but it's actually damn fun! :D i've been going out and watching dozens of shows and practically slacking off. haixx it's time to start soon though, so many things awaiting for me to do, grahh. but i'll take everything with a smile(: my sabbat is bowling its actually quite fun! but when it comes to bowling for 4-5 hours, its gets freaking sian... lol but i really loved the feeling when i got a strike or spare, haha ><
a lot of things that i need to do._. cut my hair, get a new ez-link card, change my old and lousy handphone, and and , so many things! by the way, ignore the words on the blog design, i think it sucks, and frigging egoistic, haha but i loved the design though, that's why i picked it.

hmmm... i wonder whether school life will ever be as peaceful and dan1 chun2 as the school life in hana kimi (jap) ><